God Spoke

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Because of our fear of enduring another miscarriage, hubby and I had been very careful to avoid the fertile time in my cycle.  One day, I realized that we had been unsuccessful in avoiding it and I was immediately overcome with fear.  Fear, however, does not come from God.  Fear only entered the world along with sin and brought company like shame and doubt.

As I have been learning to do, I began to seek out scriptures to calm my heart and find out what God wanted me to know.  One thing I did was go on Facebook and post the following:
"If you can see this please pick a number between 1 and 1,138 - go high or low. Then say a prayer for me. I'm wrestling with something tonight."

Over the next few days friends from all over the country, who had no idea what I was struggling with, began picking page numbers.  I read each one diligently seeking the truths God had waiting for me.  Not all of them were applicable, but most of them lead me to read more and seek more.  A few were obvious messages from the Lord.  From all the reading I did over the next few days, these verses were illuminated for me, in exactly this order!

Psalm 144:14 - May our cattle reproduce plentifully without miscarriage or loss.  May there be no cries of distress in our streets.

Isaiah 54:1 - Jerusalem, you have been like a childless woman, but now you can sing and shout for joy.
Now you will have more children than a woman whose husband never left her.

Genesis 17:129 - But God said, “No. Your wife Sarah will bear you a son and you will name him Isaac. I will keep my covenant with him and with his descendants forever. It is an everlasting covenant.

Galatians 3:9 - Abraham believed and was blessed; so all who believe are blessed as he was.

I kept this verse on my dry erase board until it was no longer legible.
It was scary how clear and concise it was to me.  I felt like God was telling me that I needed to trust him, that he has done much more for his children in the past, why wouldn't he do the same now?  I certainly wasn't old and barren like Sarah was.  I had successfully carried and was raising two healthy boys already, I knew that at some point my body had been capable.  Even if the last two pregnancies had ended in losses.  God formed every cell in my body and those babies did more for my life in those few weeks in the womb than I could have ever imagined!

When I got the first positive pregnancy test I was overjoyed and immediately filled with fear again.  I returned to these verses over and over again, reminding myself that God had spoken these words to me.  Of course, the enemy was always there to whisper untruths.  Satan tried to convince me that God doesn't make promises to people like me, who did I think I was?  I was not Sarah or Hannah.  I was not special and those promises were made for others, not for me.  I recognized the attack of the enemy and asked a few close friends and prayer warriors to pray over the situation for me.

That helped immensely, but I struggled daily with continued attacks from the enemy and he was really wearing me down.  Fear and confusion seemed to bombard me constantly.  I continued to search the scriptures and try to remind myself of God's true character; he does make promises to his children and he illuminated those verses just for me!

One Sunday as I sat in the balcony of the church, I realized that I could no longer battle the enemy on my own or with just a few close friends.  I needed an army of prayer warriors to help me get out of this fear I was stuck in!  During the invitation prayer, I slipped out of the balcony and prepared to go talk to our pastor.  I'd never shaken so hard in my life.  Thankfully, that morning my friend (who was also one of those early prayer warriors) was dedicating one of her foster children.  She comforted me and prayed over me which FINALLY started to calm my nerves.

I spoke with my pastor and I told him our news and how scared we were.  I barely got the words out before I fell apart in tears.  I love our pastor and he knew what I was trying to say.  When the time came, he asked our church family not only to pray over us (my friend and I), but to come lay hands on us and really pray over us.  I cannot tell you much of what they said because I was crying so hard, but I love those ladies who prayed over us.  They held my hands and spoke truth and in that moment, the devil no longer had any power over this pregnancy or over me.  I was finally free.

I'm 14 weeks pregnant now; officially into my second trimester.  I don't know what the future holds but I spend each day trying to enjoy the time God gives me with this baby.  I am eager to feel him/her kick for the first time.  Even though I groan about the aches and pains, I'm also elated by them because they are reminders of the promises God gave me.  And the devil?  As hard as he tries, I have too many prayer warriors now for him to defeat.  When I feel fear creeping at my door, God always sends me an encourager to remind me of the truth.  I look forward to the testimony that this baby's life represents and the glory he or she is going to bring the heavenly father!

The glimpse of our miracle at 12 weeks along.

Jodi @ God Still Speaks

Head Writer

Boy mom of three. Married to the same man since 2002. Former working mom turned stay-at-home mom. I love my faith, family, and coffee.

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Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests to made known to God. — Philippians 4:6