When the kids were all sick with strep and RSV, one of the favorite things to do was play with the faces on Snapchat.  Many giggles were had over puppies, crowns, and superheros.  Each day was a new chance to open the app and see what kind of new face, mask, or animation we could find.  The tradition continues in the quiet(er) moments; nothing here is every truly quiet.  This morning I found this mask...

I sure got a laugh out of how I suddenly was glittery and gold.  I had this big crown and epic face!  Totally out of the norm for me, considering I rarely even wear make up.  Then I got to thinking about the woman behind that mask.  This is what was hiding behind it:

Behind the glitz in glam is bad skin and messed up hair.  My glasses are crooked from being knocked off my face too many times.  My face is puffy from having cleaned up seven different messes.  There's nothing to hide my multiple chins.  Are the women in these pictures different?  No, they're all me.  Do they invoke different feelings?  Sure! 

I've been involved in may conversations about the facades we put forward on social media to each other.  Even discussions about how we can become addicted to looking at, and comparing ourselves to, our connections.  The truth is, no one puts a terrible selfie on social media.  Even "bad selfies" are often staged to minimize flaws and accentuate our good side.  We use filters and makeup to hide our blemishes, dark circles, bags, fine lines, gray hairs, etc.

God sees everything behind our mask.  Everything you've buried deep within you.  Things you'd never tell your best friend or even your greatest love.  The things you think you'll take to your grave are still exposed in the Light of Christ.

I mentioned on Facebook that I have been working on the church blog.  I love the opportunity to present to people via the internet. As I was transcribing Preacher's Embrace Grace sermon, this thought continued to echo in my mind for the days that have followed: 

I don't understand the thought of me sitting down with King David in heaven, men like Hudson Taylor (who we've been reading about as a church), Peter, Paul, and James, when I can be such a coward, flawed, when I don't feel like I've done much of anything for Jesus like I should.  That thought BOGGLES the mind until you realize they aren't there because of how good and beautiful they were.  The ONLY way you sit at that table is through Jesus; the blood of [God's] son.  God will pull up a seat for you at that table.  He will cover everything you have ever done. Everything you are struggling with, doubts you have.  Every pain from your past. 

From Pastor Brian Loveless' Sermon "Embrace Grace" on March 27, 2011 at Calvary Baptist Church Grand Prairie, Texas on Friend Day.

With God we are UNMASKED and that's OK because he loves us flaws and all.  Jesus has already offered to stand in our place so we can sit at the table with our Father God.  We need only be willing to accept it.  Are you?

In honor of Thanksgiving , our pastor started a series on gratitude.  During his sermon on 11/2 he said "Its not about being faithful; its about looking to the faithful one." That really resonated with me.  When I've been rattled to the core, sometimes I don't feel faithful.  I know what I think and believe intellectually, but what I feel is something completely different.  Those times when you think of all the scriptures that tell you to be joyful, peaceful because God is in control but what you really feel like is an ill-fated passenger hanging onto the back end of the Titanic hoping for a miracle.

Having said that, I can also see where current me is way more peaceful and joyful than five-years-ago me would have been in the exact same circumstances.  I'm not as quick to feel like I need to take matters into my own hands.  I'm more willing to relinquish control and remind myself that God is up to something even when it feels like we're sitting ducks.  We're in a holding pattern now.  Roman is on his way, so I already know everything will be shaken up with his arrival (bye-bye sleeping for 4-5 hours in a row; until we meet again).  We're waiting for that time when God is ready to move hubby out of his current job and schedule into something different.  

So what do I do when I don't feel all that faithful?  Remember, first and foremost, that God is faithful enough for both of us.  The Holy Spirit within me already knows my heart is weary and prays for me on my behalf (Romans 8:26-27).  How exciting to think that 1/3 of the divine trinity prays for me!!  What if I told you it's not just 1/3, but 2/3 of the trinity that prays for you.  Oh yes, go read John 17:6-26 where Jesus, Lord and Savior, carried YOU to his Father's throne is prayer!  Go ahead and marinate on the gravity of that one for a moment, I can wait...

I will leave you with this about looking to the faithful one. Go read Job 38-42 and take in the full exchange between God and Job.  Try to answer the questions that God poses to Job (who by the way was someone who looked to the faithful one, even when he was lost in despair).  Watch how things end up for Job and his friends in the end and ask yourself - what kind of difference does it make to look to the faithful one?

This verse has come up a lot over the last couple of years, and I never really understood it:

Ephesians 6:12 (ESV)
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

You might notice, that's the English Standard Version.  If you know me, you know I do my reading at home from the Good News Translation.  Here's how the same verse reads from GNT:

Ephesians 6:12 (GNT)
For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities, and cosmic powers of this dark age.

For once, a different translation doesn't do too much to help with understanding, at least it hadn't for me.  I didn't really understand this verse for a long time.  It's only been recently that I've begun to be able to see how this verse applies to our human experience. I've really had to pray for God to give me the words for this post; for Him to bring clarity and understanding that only He can provide.  I certainly cannot do it alone.

When I get an idea for a blog post, I generally begin a draft and write my "idea" down so I can write the full post later.  Let's be honest, when you have a family to manage you don't always get to write when inspiration strikes.  This particular draft has probably been sitting in my drafts for close to a week now.

Friend and fellow blogger Kristin Schmucker recently posted about how her arms will ache for the child she delivered stillborn.  I also ache often for my children in glory that were lost through miscarriage.  Then I thought about something...  is that ache we feel for the children who are "lost" to us is a glimpse of the ache the Father has for the children who are "lost" to Him.

Because of our fear of enduring another miscarriage, hubby and I had been very careful to avoid the fertile time in my cycle.  One day, I realized that we had been unsuccessful in avoiding it and I was immediately overcome with fear.  Fear, however, does not come from God.  Fear only entered the world along with sin and brought company like shame and doubt.

As I have been learning to do, I began to seek out scriptures to calm my heart and find out what God wanted me to know.  One thing I did was go on Facebook and post the following:
"If you can see this please pick a number between 1 and 1,138 - go high or low. Then say a prayer for me. I'm wrestling with something tonight."

Over the next few days friends from all over the country, who had no idea what I was struggling with, began picking page numbers.  I read each one diligently seeking the truths God had waiting for me.  Not all of them were applicable, but most of them lead me to read more and seek more.  A few were obvious messages from the Lord.  From all the reading I did over the next few days, these verses were illuminated for me, in exactly this order!

Praise

I have a big praise today!  I've mentioned a few times I have some things that have been burdening me lately.  Despite praying diligently and searching God's word, I hadn't been able to find any peace.  I enlisted several prayer warriors and all of you to lift this burden to the Lord.  Things improved, but I still was facing fear and anxiety on a daily basis.  By Sunday, I no longer wanted to live in fear and anxiety the way I had been.  During the invitation (traditionally this is the time of prayer following a sermon where the pastor invites people to come up front) I went and spoke to our pastor. I let him know my burden and asked him to share this prayer need with our church family.  One of my prayer warriors' family had a prayer need too (if it weren't for her I probably wouldn't have had the strength to stand up there on my own; my legs were shaking so badly).

I wondered the other day - are people tired of the #lampandlight posts?  Is this getting redundant?  Then I realized, I'm not doing this for anyone else!  God moved me to start this blog.  God moved me to participate in the #lampandlight challenge.  God moved me to use my blog as my bible reading journal.  When God calls you to do something, the opinions of people suddenly become less valuable to you.  After all, what man can claim to know better than omnipotent, sovereign God?

Maybe one day I'll write something you needed to hear. We could have a similar joy or share the same pain.  On Sunday our preacher did the last in a series called "Renovate" where he discusses why there are trials in the Christian life.  The overwhelming reaction after that sermon was "He was preaching me to me!"   I laughed and commented on one Facebook post this way... "Nope, he opened his mouth and a whole lotta God fell out! :)"  THAT my friends is what I hope for this blog more than anything.  That I'll write and a whole lot of God falls out!

Here's that sermon if you are interested:

Getting into my bible and reading this morning was challenging.  I was so deep asleep when my alarm went off that I forgot to take my thyroid medicine.  Thankfully a still, small voice reminded me when I woke up otherwise the next few days were going to be BAD!  You have to take thyroid medicine on an empty stomach and wait 30-60 minutes after taking it to eat/drink anything.  That meant I had wide awake littles wanting morning beverages and cereal before I've had a drop of coffee.  o.0  I am lost without coffee, it's like my brain is stuck in neutral until I've had several hours to slowly come awake.  Never the less, it was my time to get into my Bible study and not even my decaffeinated brain was going to stop me!  It did slow me down though. I had to find some study guides online to help me start really processing what I was reading.  The cool thing was, the study guides I found actually gave me some insight that I didn't have before - like recognizing the description of God's shekinah glory in Chapter 6.

What does your preacher do?  Yeah, the guy that preaches sermons nearly every Sunday morning. I say guy not to be exclusionary, but to generalize - it's easier.  Do you think preachers must have it real easy...  preach one day a week (maybe two), show up for some free lunches during the week, pray over a couple of sick people.  Great gig, right?  They're home by  5 or 6 pm every night.  If they're married maybe they have a 3 course meal with the wife and kids before tucking the kids in.  They enjoy a book over a cup of tea, reclined back with feet propped up in house shoes.  Cue reality....