When the kids were all sick with strep and RSV, one of the favorite things to do was play with the faces on Snapchat.  Many giggles were had over puppies, crowns, and superheros.  Each day was a new chance to open the app and see what kind of new face, mask, or animation we could find.  The tradition continues in the quiet(er) moments; nothing here is every truly quiet.  This morning I found this mask...

I sure got a laugh out of how I suddenly was glittery and gold.  I had this big crown and epic face!  Totally out of the norm for me, considering I rarely even wear make up.  Then I got to thinking about the woman behind that mask.  This is what was hiding behind it:

Behind the glitz in glam is bad skin and messed up hair.  My glasses are crooked from being knocked off my face too many times.  My face is puffy from having cleaned up seven different messes.  There's nothing to hide my multiple chins.  Are the women in these pictures different?  No, they're all me.  Do they invoke different feelings?  Sure! 

I've been involved in may conversations about the facades we put forward on social media to each other.  Even discussions about how we can become addicted to looking at, and comparing ourselves to, our connections.  The truth is, no one puts a terrible selfie on social media.  Even "bad selfies" are often staged to minimize flaws and accentuate our good side.  We use filters and makeup to hide our blemishes, dark circles, bags, fine lines, gray hairs, etc.

God sees everything behind our mask.  Everything you've buried deep within you.  Things you'd never tell your best friend or even your greatest love.  The things you think you'll take to your grave are still exposed in the Light of Christ.

I mentioned on Facebook that I have been working on the church blog.  I love the opportunity to present to people via the internet. As I was transcribing Preacher's Embrace Grace sermon, this thought continued to echo in my mind for the days that have followed: 

I don't understand the thought of me sitting down with King David in heaven, men like Hudson Taylor (who we've been reading about as a church), Peter, Paul, and James, when I can be such a coward, flawed, when I don't feel like I've done much of anything for Jesus like I should.  That thought BOGGLES the mind until you realize they aren't there because of how good and beautiful they were.  The ONLY way you sit at that table is through Jesus; the blood of [God's] son.  God will pull up a seat for you at that table.  He will cover everything you have ever done. Everything you are struggling with, doubts you have.  Every pain from your past. 

From Pastor Brian Loveless' Sermon "Embrace Grace" on March 27, 2011 at Calvary Baptist Church Grand Prairie, Texas on Friend Day.

With God we are UNMASKED and that's OK because he loves us flaws and all.  Jesus has already offered to stand in our place so we can sit at the table with our Father God.  We need only be willing to accept it.  Are you?

I am just bursting to write and I've been so consumed lately!  In my continuing endeavor to be wholly "there" wherever and whatever I'm doing, I don't always get a moment to collect my thoughts enough to write.  The other side of that is a re-prioritization of things in my life (say that 3x fast).  How about a quick, what's she up to now?

Home life is never boring here.  After Baby R's burn healed, Grandma stayed a while longer before heading back home.  At least we got to do some fun things together like the museum!

Almost as soon as she got on the plane, one of our dogs ended up tearing the ligament in his knee, requiring surgery. That was fun to save up for!  I mentioned in my last post that #1 son and I were going to start training for a 5k in October in memory of our babies.  We got through nearly two weeks of training before life happened and we had to pause things, but we're about to get back on track. God willing, I'm going to run that 5k in the fall!

What put training on pause?  All three boys ended up sick.  Son #1 got strep first.  While we took him to the doctor, sons #2 and #3 picked up the RSV virus.  Not to be outdone, #2 managed to have RSV and strep at the same time!  There were a lot of antibiotics to be taken, some steroids, copious hours of movie watching around here.  Plus the inordinate amount of extra laundry and cleaning.  How I have wished some days my sweet Momma could teleport back and help me.  :)  God's grace was sufficient and He helped me endure it.  It was during this time I started living 15 minutes at a time.  For these 15 minutes I will _______, then we'll tackle whatever comes next 15 minute at a time.

I have been making the weekly updates for the church blog which means the time I would usually spend posting here, I have been uploading the submissions for Faith | Hope | Love.  Out of the desire to have weekly girlfriend time, a small group of us are now meeting together on Wednesday evenings and working through a bible study called Designing a Woman's Life: Discovering Your Unique Purpose and Passion by Judith Couchman.  Our kids have a chance to play together (because you know mine go with me everywhere) and we can fellowship with each other and work through the tough questions about who God designed us to be! A wonderful lady at our church also felt moved to do a bible study based on the movie War Room - you know I signed up for that!  Our first session was last night and let me tell you, between the hard hitting questions from our Wednesday night study and the hard hitting questions from the War Room study, God and Jodi are going to be getting lots of things answered.

I've also felt led to write about some topics I've been holding back on sharing. Not holding back because I'm afraid of the backlash (which I'm sure may be part of it) but because I'm not 100% sure where I stand on some of these topics myself.  I don't feel like I can come on God Still Speaks and spill my heart without fully knowing where I stand on the matter, but God is telling me that it's not about me, it's about Him.  I agree 100%.  Not sure how I'm going to do it all, but as I said, I am living life 15 minutes at a time.  These 15 minutes were devoted to this blog and saying hello.  The next will be focused on War Room's Day One homework.  The next 15 minutes?  Well, we'll see who needs what when we get there.

Count it all joy, my brothers,[a] when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

I've always tried to be genuine, open, and honest.  There is no joy counting here; none.  I'm not running around thanking God for the challenges we've faced this last week.  I have seen God move in our lives though and it always leads me back to this one quote:

“I have learned to kiss the waves that throw me up against the Rock of Ages” 

― Charles Haddon Spurgeon

On Friday evening Baby R managed to grab a little kettle of near-boiling hot water restaurants give you for tea and dump it in his lap.  The next 16 hours were all a blur of activity!  After three emergency rooms, two ambulance rides, and a whole lot of prayer warriors we ended up being admitted to hospital with a cutting edge burn center.  Baby R had 2nd degree burns over 8% of his body (read that as the front of his leg, thigh to ankle). We were discharged by the burn center on Saturday afternoon and looked forward to recuperating at home.  Sunday we missed church (obviously) but Baby R played and was his usual self all day long.

Then early Monday morning, Baby R started throwing up.  He couldn't hold down anything, including his pain meds.  Once we hit 12+ hours without Baby R being able to take in any fluids, his burn surgeon suggested we bring him back to the ER because dehydration is a major issue.  Not just for little guys but also for burn victims.  We spent 16 more hours in an ER on Monday, but Baby R was able to get re-hydrated and some medicine to help him keep food and medicine down.  The medical staff assumed it was a virus, likely picked up in one of the ERs so we would just have to let it run it's course.

As soon as he got some fluids, Baby R perked right back up!

Tuesday, our Preschooler J started vomiting.  It was frustrating because we were still exhausted, but also a slight relief because it confirmed that the burn injury had not caused Baby R's vomiting. Whew, I'm putting even the smallest blessings in the win column!  By Wednesday, Baby R and Preschooler J were over the vomiting.  However, Tween T woke up throwing up.  At that point, I started to wonder if we were all destined to succumb to whatever virus Baby R brought home. 

Baby R was trying his best to make Preschooler J feel better.

So what now? What could I possibly take away from this whole ordeal.  First, I have a strange sense of being fulfilled; sustained.  I am tired and overwhelmed, but my soul is filled to brimming.  I started to write out all that I have seen God doing, but the list was getting so long and Baby R is about to wake up.  Maybe one day soon, when I'm rested, I can reflect back and stitch together all God is doing. 

In the meantime, if I don't post much.... you know why.

"A church is not a museum for saints, it is a hospital for sinners."

I have no idea who originally said that, but in my head I hear my Mother's voice; she said it often.  For a long time, I thought it was just one of those Christian-y things people said.  Now, I wonder if it helped her to maintain perspective when times got hard, feelings got hurt, and people forgot how to act.  That statement helps me keep my priorities focused on reflecting Christ and not my own agenda when times get tough.

We are supposed to love the sinner and hate the sin.  God used a recent situation to show me how to behave when things hit the fan and the whole situation just stinks.  I originally reacted in much the same way anyone would.  Then I listened to a Sunday School lesson where I was reminded that my goal should FIRST AND FOREMOST be to point people to Christ.  Often, when life seems to crumble we are always quick to place blame and condemn.  I was reminded that all too often, sin comes from a place of deep brokenness.  There's only one person I know who can fix those kinds of hurts.

Romans 12:20-21 ESV
To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

My initial reaction(s) did not point anyone toward Christ. He would be the only person who could forgive, restore, and heal.  From that point forward, I purposed to use each opportunity to point people to God and reflect His love.  Is it easy?  Not always, but when you see people through God's eyes, it's easier.  When people make bad decisions, I try to look beyond what I see with my plank-filled eye, and see the soul God placed in that body.

Jude 1:22-23 ESV 
And have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh.

Our value, our God-given gifts and purpose, are not diminished by our sin.  No more than a diamond's shine is diminished.  We need someone to clean us off and polish us off.  Next time you are sitting with the elephant in the room, remind them that God loves them no differently than He did when they were a minute old.  Point them toward Christ.  Guide them to a hospital for sinners.  Help tend to the wounds on the outside as God works on healing from the inside.  

1 John 1:8-9 ESV 
If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

John 8:7 ESV 
And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”

I was chatting with a friend earlier and wrote out this statement:

I know we're in a strange season for sure!  Just making it a point to enjoy the "here and now" for what it is before the "what's to come" shows up.

I sat and looked at that for a moment and realized that was an inspired sentence - certainly inspiration and insight like that did not come from me!  (I mean, I lost my purse and a pack of tissues twice this morning.)

In a season of change, it's incredibly difficult to purposely enjoy the "here and now".  Here and now might be tired, frustrated, angry, bitter, depressed, anxious.  Who wants to live in that space?  I have found that I if I purpose to find contentment, not complacency, in the here and now things are a lot easier to handle.

Do I still have bad days?  Oh yes!

Are there days I spend wishing I was already to the next season?  Definitely!

My goal is to find purpose in each today.  Today I am encouraging my boys (10 and 3) to play together nicely during the Thanksgiving break.  I'm slowly working on getting caught up on some of the little projects I've been putting off.

In bible study last night we talked about a blessings list.  Literally, a simple list of things you see as blessings that happen in your life, to your family and friends, are totally random.  Whatever they may be, you just jot down a running list of blessings.  Each day you can find a blessing and each day you add on.  For example, if I was writing out my blessing list today, it might look like this:

Blessings for Monday, 11/24/14

— Potty training milestone - he woke up dry

— I found that bible study I was looking for

— Husband has four days off from his hectic schedule

— Big kid is working very hard to be patient/kind to preschooler

— Weather is cooler again so I'm comfortable

— Got the dirty dishes in the dishwasher (HUGE)

... and it's not even 12:30 pm yet.

Here and now is what we make of it.  There are so many of us who are in a season of change. The world around us is changing - geologically, climatologically (is that a word?  it is now!), politically, socially, morally....

We can cower in a corner lamenting the "good old days" or we can remember that God is still very much in control over everything and concerned over our lives.  Nothing in this world has happened without his knowledge and it's all unfolding according to plan.  The bible says it will get worse before it gets better, but when it gets better it's going to be really, really, really great!!

What does your blessing list look like today?  Share with us!

I've been working on the same post for over a week.  Life keeps getting in the way.  Most recently, my big kid has been sick with what I suspect to be another sinus infection.  I did share something with my Hope Mommies bible study group that I wanted to also share with you.

I had this as the wallpaper on my desktop for a long time. So often I'd ask for God to calm the storm and felt like he wasn't listening. Then I realized that sometimes the point is to be a beacon for those in the storm; God would keep me calm so I could help others see how much of a difference he could make in a life seeking him. As a side note, we're doing a series in Sunday School about "overcoming" - being faithful in the trials and tribulations. We're reading about Joseph's life and challenges in Genesis. This morning we were reminded, even when we find ourselves in "the pit," and you simply can't understand why, just keep doing whatever God has given you the gift(s) to do and eventually you'll find out.

Ten days between posts is just unacceptable!  I have the best audience ever because you guys stick with me even if I don't post regularly.  For that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  :)

What's new?  

J is potty training.  He turns three on the 27th and he's been 70% of the way there for quite some time.  This weekend T is off on a cub scout camping trip so I figured now is the perfect time. Since his class in the church nursery has the teeny-weeny little toddler size toilets and the teachers are good about having them go potty, I figure we have nothing to lose!  Except maybe some money on next month's water bill from all the extra laundry, lol.

I'm starting to notice a one day on and one day off pattern with my reading.  Tonight I was able to do the devotional for my dear friend's baby shower.  I was so nervous because I'd  never done a devotional before like that, but it went well.  I didn't pass out, vomit, or cry so I'm calling it a win!  :)  She asked me for a copy of it so I guess she liked it too!   I really felt like it was an honor and blessing to have been asked to do that for my friend.  I love that family very much and I'm so excited that they added another sweet little human to the clan.

I eluded to working on the devotional for a couple of weeks.  I had to spend a lot of time in my bible to figure out what it was I felt led to say.  Coincidentally, even though I don't really believe in coincidences, many of my scripture references were from Proverbs.  Why?  Because Proverbs is that part of the bible where the Word is trying to teach us the things we need to know in no uncertain terms.  No parables here, just face value "do this, not that, or else" statements.

I'm thankful for these reminders, because sometimes you just have to slap me in the face with it and tell me do this, not that, or else.  God knew that, he made me after all.

One week down!  :)  Have you been participating in the #lampandlight challenge too?  Are you feeling accomplished?

I didn't make it to church today.  I woke up in a lot of pain (back, legs, hips, etc.) and knew driving was going to be more than I could handle.  Thankfully my oldest boy facilitated a day for me to rest as much as possible and I'm incredibly thankful for it.  I know he has a really hard time having to take on so much responsibility when it comes to his little brother so when he's willing to step up, it means all the more to this Momma's heart.  Now if only our toddler was as willing to be kind and help out around the house!

Proverbs 17

It's hard for me to write on Proverbs because each chapter doesn't necessarily have a theme or a common thread running through it.  I do find it interesting through to flip through the pages I've read and see the things I've highlighted.  I mark the verses that struck a cord with me when I was reading through and my top picks are easily about parenting and relationships.  It makes sense for a stay at home mom right?  Sometimes those verses about relationships strike me because of my former career or even the relationships I've gained and lost over the years.  Sometimes I read through Proverbs and realize it's like God pointing at a specific moment saying "Yeah, that."

Happy Labor Day!  I love that the first day of the scripture challenge falls on a holiday designed to be about rest and rejuvenation (not that everyone gets to rest or relax today, but a girl can dream).  God designed rest to be a part of our lives; it's that important.  God wasn't tired from spending six days bringing creation into existence, but he knew the importance of setting the example for us to rest and simply be still; ideally with him!

I mentioned in my earlier post that I have been working through the book of Proverbs.  Have you ever actually sat down just to read through Proverbs?  I know we reference it a lot in bible studies and speaking engagements; but I have gleaned so much from just reading through it!  Today's #lampandlight reading came out of Proverbs Chapter 12.

On Sunday evenings, a small group of women from our church meet to do a bible study together.  Each week our study leader prepares a lesson.  It could be anything from a special request, experiences we've had during the week, or simply what God has laid on her heart to discuss.  This week, she brought a vivid and telling lesson on the power of words to hurt us. This lesson compared the wounds words inflict and how to heal them to physical wounds and the first aid you would provide for them.

This verse has come up a lot over the last couple of years, and I never really understood it:

Ephesians 6:12 (ESV)
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

You might notice, that's the English Standard Version.  If you know me, you know I do my reading at home from the Good News Translation.  Here's how the same verse reads from GNT:

Ephesians 6:12 (GNT)
For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities, and cosmic powers of this dark age.

For once, a different translation doesn't do too much to help with understanding, at least it hadn't for me.  I didn't really understand this verse for a long time.  It's only been recently that I've begun to be able to see how this verse applies to our human experience. I've really had to pray for God to give me the words for this post; for Him to bring clarity and understanding that only He can provide.  I certainly cannot do it alone.

When I get an idea for a blog post, I generally begin a draft and write my "idea" down so I can write the full post later.  Let's be honest, when you have a family to manage you don't always get to write when inspiration strikes.  This particular draft has probably been sitting in my drafts for close to a week now.

Friend and fellow blogger Kristin Schmucker recently posted about how her arms will ache for the child she delivered stillborn.  I also ache often for my children in glory that were lost through miscarriage.  Then I thought about something...  is that ache we feel for the children who are "lost" to us is a glimpse of the ache the Father has for the children who are "lost" to Him.

Because of our fear of enduring another miscarriage, hubby and I had been very careful to avoid the fertile time in my cycle.  One day, I realized that we had been unsuccessful in avoiding it and I was immediately overcome with fear.  Fear, however, does not come from God.  Fear only entered the world along with sin and brought company like shame and doubt.

As I have been learning to do, I began to seek out scriptures to calm my heart and find out what God wanted me to know.  One thing I did was go on Facebook and post the following:
"If you can see this please pick a number between 1 and 1,138 - go high or low. Then say a prayer for me. I'm wrestling with something tonight."

Over the next few days friends from all over the country, who had no idea what I was struggling with, began picking page numbers.  I read each one diligently seeking the truths God had waiting for me.  Not all of them were applicable, but most of them lead me to read more and seek more.  A few were obvious messages from the Lord.  From all the reading I did over the next few days, these verses were illuminated for me, in exactly this order!

Two weeks ago, on Sunday morning, we were on our way across the church parking lot when my toddler tripped over his own two feet.  He fell so fast, he didn't have time to even stick his arms out and face planted onto the concrete.  To my horror, the screams of agony were accompanied by a whole lot of blood.  Summoning my Mommy super powers I simultaneously leaned him forward, unzipped his diaper bag to grab a (target brand) diaper, and told our oldest to run and get help (our church has a security team at each door and the door for Kid City was only a few hundred feet away).  I guess a few of our wonderful church family heard me tell T to go get help and came to see what was going on.  After all, it's not every Sunday that a kid is screaming bloody murder in the parking lot.  As one lady helped me get J laid back and apply pressure to his lip, other friends came and called 911 and my husband (who was home sleeping off a long shift at work).  The amount of blood was alarming and we knew he needed to get checked out by people with more than just a first aid card.  I was thankful for everyone that came to our aid, whether they brought wet paper towels, loaned us clothing for J, or just stood by to block the sun off of us.  Thankfully, the fire station is ACROSS THE STREET so paramedics arrived shortly after and assessed J's injury.  He was stable and the bleeding slowed significantly so they allowed us to waive the ambulance ride.  Long story short - he got two stitches to close the gash in his lip and a CT scan to confirm he didn't break any of the bones in his face (which he didn't).

Of course, we had stripped the bloody shoes/clothing off and left them in the car.  By the time we left the hospital and got home, they had spent several hours baking in the car from Texas heat.  The fun part is getting the blood out, right?  I have had to get blood out of the strangest of things (including concrete).  I have a tried and true method that works every single time on nearly everything.  This is how I get the blood out:

This week has been quite a roller coaster ride!  Sunday morning we were on our way into church when my toddler tripped over his own two feet and face planted in the parking lot.  He didn't have time to put his hands out to stop himself so he busted open the inside of his lip badly enough that we called the paramedics.  After checking him out they let us know that he would certainly need stitches and was stable enough for us to transport to the hospital if we wanted to.  In the end, J got two stitches to close his lip and a CT scan which confirmed he didn't break any of the bones in his face - thank God!!  We just needed to follow up with his primary care doctor in one week to follow up on his healing process.

Now you get to know why things have been so crazy around here! 

Yes, we're expecting a baby in January 2015.  After the journey we've been on this has been such a time of excitement, joy, fear, and faith.  I'm thankful for so many prayer warriors who have surrounded us and prayed the promises of Christ into our pregnancy.  

I originally intended to keep all the updates on Jon Jon from Momma bear in one post, but it might get a little hard to follow.  I'll keep links in the bottom to previous entries in case you are following along with his progress.

Yesterday, Jon Jon has his second of many surgeries.  Momma Bear always explains it best so I'll give you a direct quote:

That was the title staring me in the face when I opened Galatians 6 (where I left off in my blogging the bible endeavor).  I have such a testimony unfolding about reaching out to your church family when you are in need and being supported prayerfully, lovingly all along the way.  I cannot wait to tell you about it, but that's another post for another day.  For now, let's conclude our walk through Galatians!

Praise

I have a big praise today!  I've mentioned a few times I have some things that have been burdening me lately.  Despite praying diligently and searching God's word, I hadn't been able to find any peace.  I enlisted several prayer warriors and all of you to lift this burden to the Lord.  Things improved, but I still was facing fear and anxiety on a daily basis.  By Sunday, I no longer wanted to live in fear and anxiety the way I had been.  During the invitation (traditionally this is the time of prayer following a sermon where the pastor invites people to come up front) I went and spoke to our pastor. I let him know my burden and asked him to share this prayer need with our church family.  One of my prayer warriors' family had a prayer need too (if it weren't for her I probably wouldn't have had the strength to stand up there on my own; my legs were shaking so badly).

I woke up to precious, wonderful rain pouring down this morning!  Every so often there is a gentle rumble of thunder to compliment the chatter of the littles morning play (which consists of jumping on old couch cushions).  Meanwhile, my dogs are not impressed in the least and have curled up as close to me as possible while I do my reading.  Did I mention these are NOT lap dogs?  Max is a 75lb yellow lab/German Shepard and Lucky is a 70lb pit bull mix.  o.O  Not that they care, every dog is a lap dog as far as they're concerned. I love these small moments where I am reminded of the abundant love God has blessed me with.  I'm sure by the end of the day I'll fight to remember how blessed I am when everyone has cabin fever.