Ever After

by Jodi @ God Still Speaks 8:33 PM 0 comments Application miscarriage pregnancy Testimony

When you become a Hope Mommy you are quick to realize there are no guarantees. There is no magical week that you pass and suddenly there are safe guards for how the rest of your pregnancy will go.  It's by the grace of God alone we manage to develop from a single celled organism to complex human beings.  Pregnancy, for me, may be the most obvious evidence of an intelligent creator.

Last night was our last group chat for the Hope Mommies bible study.  A comment was made about "ending on a loss"; meaning not being able to have another baby after the loss of a pregnancy or child.  No rainbow baby to hold up Lion King style and show the world how great God is.

That was the moment when God spoke to me.  You see, I have struggled with my self-centeredness and lack of sensitivity since the summer.  I wanted God to show me where I needed fixing and heal those areas.  Friendships may have been damaged irreparably, but I still believe that God placed those people in my life to show me things about myself He needed me to see.  This was one of those times when I needed to have a teachable spirit.

Several of the Hope Mommies talked candidly about not being able to have a rainbow baby and how shattering it is to know they were ending on a loss.  My world halted for a moment. I was transported back to that place where the last thing I would remember about my "child bearing years" would be the loss of our Blueberry.  There is a void, a vacuum, a space in that moment that sucks the air right out of your lungs again.

And in that moment, I understood.

Had I been self-centered?  Yes.  Had I been insensitive?  Yes.  I failed to realize the gravity of "ending on a loss" for someone.  I did not fully understand that very real hurt, void, vacuum, space left in someone's life.  I was not ending on a loss, for me those feelings were temporary.  For someone else, they were all they had left.  God broke my heart for what broke theirs.  He answered my prayers after faithfully looking to him for answers.  He not only showed me where I had gone wrong, but how it had a ripple effect in the world around me.  God also reminded me that forgiveness is His to give and so is healing.

None of us knows what our "ever after" on Earth will be, only God knows that.  Thankfully, I do know what my ever after when I leave this world will be!  I will meet my babies. I will meet the babies of so many friends who've walked a loss journey of their own.  We will live in eternity with our creator and savior, forever together with no more pain, loss, or heartbreak.  We will be made whole again.

I am thankful for the women God brought into my life to teach me where I had gone wrong.  I'm thankful to the individual(s) who were willing to point out an area I needed to give to God for repairs.  You may never know the depth of what God accomplished through you, but I pray that for each moment I have left on this Earth I can use this lesson wisely!